I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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