Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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