While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
