I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
