She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize