I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The beer is more important than you right now.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
