i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
