there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
