Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
