i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
