My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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