I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
