I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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