Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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