Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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