Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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