i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
