I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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