He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
