yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
