Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
