No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's never too late to be topless.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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