someone threw a dead crab at me
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
