gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
