i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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