Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
