This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
