You smell like a Billy Joel song
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
