Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
