Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You left your phone here
Wait...
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