she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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