How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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