When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
