Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
