i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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