four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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