you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
