6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
