It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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