Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
