words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
