Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
