I should be sponsored by Trojan
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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