we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
