he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
