I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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