OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
