Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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