so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
