yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
