Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
