I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
