I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
