Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
