some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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