Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
