well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
