I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
