Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
