Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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