She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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