As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
