my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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