One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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