She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
