Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
