so that wasnt chicken after all
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
