And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
