I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
