if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
