honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
