I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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