Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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